Dylan (Fucking) Crone
This wiki will be dedicated to the one and only, the man with the butt cheeks of steel; Dylan (fucking) Crone. If you have never even heard of this sexy man, then shoot yourself, many times. This is the man who will pierce your anus just my looking straight at you, the impact will leave you lying on the floor as you have a seizure. He is also known for his love for Doritos, as he loves to share them with his many butt buddies (a notable one would be T.J.). Dylan Crone, the ultimate role model for your offspring.
Personal Life Edit
Dylan (fucking) Crone was always different than the other kids around himself. At the age of 5, instead of playing with toys, he played with actual human beings for entertainment; by the age of 5 1/2, he had fully memorized the human anatomy so well that he wrote a book on it. Doctors still use that book to this day due to the large amount of detail that was put into it. Of course Dylan (fucking) Crone was always amazing, even as a fetus he was able to fully control his mother, she still has nightmares of that one night at the Circus; as do the clowns. When Dylan (fucking) Crone was 11, he had finally mastered the ability to shape shift, his favorite form was the Crocodile; the amounts of people that had died from this had rivaled that from WW2. He also had the tendency to turn into a chameleon and crawl into male assholes, he still does this from time to time. It was also around this time where Dylan (fucking) Crone met his servant, Ethan. When Dylan (fucking) Crone turned 13, he started to cuss at everything around him, even starting to form new words, an example would be lizard licker. It should be noted that he found this word after watching large quantities of Jontron, to the point where he teleported to him and made him lick 100 lizards in the span of 1 hour (do the math). This is how Jontron has become the man he is now, so please thank our savior, Dylan (fucking) Crone. After Dylan (fucking) Crone turned 15, he decided to show Ethan some of his knowledge of the human anatomy, this ended up with Ethan, crawled up in the fetus position, in the shower for 10 nights. Dylan (fucking) Crone thus evolved into a new being, so powerful that even Allah couldn't help but piss his pants, for the reincarnation of his master had appeared. What's the first thing Dylan does with this power? Cause 911, global warming, bacon, lesbians, the Dylan Bone, rule 34, anime, hentai, The Walking Dead, british people, blood and carnage, and everything else good in this world. Of course he had to settle down at some point, with his new beautiful wife, T.J. They had over 9,000,000 children, which majorly populate the world, you are probably from the bloodlines of the legendary Dylan (fucking) Crone. Out of these children, 3 would grow up to be the chosen ones, Ali Bahramand, Josh Carter, Ethan (yes the one from earlier, don't question the timelines of Dylan (fucking) Crone, you damn lizard licker). It should be noted that these are the only 3 that can perform the "Dylan Bone." However, there are rumors of 2 Asian children, who are gifted with the power of Dylan (fucking) Crone's ass cheeks: Bryan and Phat Nguyen. Bryan was the intelligent, funny, random, and strong one, while Phat was the crazy serial killer, ball crusher, and carnivorous one. Both loved to run around and cause chaos by making people eat their own dicks and then shit it out for the consumption for the two. Of course the chosen 3 couldn't have any of this fucking shit happen, so they flew over to them by riding the mystical British beasts; Taigh the High Stallion, Elliot the Black Tar Donkey, and Theo Theodorus the Pajama Pegasus. By the power of Dylan (fucking) Crone they appeared in less than a millisecond, having had to cross the 9th Dimension. Bryan and Phat Nguyen were shocked having seen them, but the 3 other men just got off of their British beasts; the beasts then turned into weapons that reflected each person's personality. Ali's weapon was a nuke blade, that had the power of hair growth as well. Any place that he would touch with the blade would cause a 1,000 mile explosion, the crater would then be filled with massive hair and eventually evolve into hairy Titans. These Titans spanned at 500ft tall, and had the power of Black Jesus. Ali was known as, The Goobinater. Josh's weapon was the Weed Cannon, each blast causes anyone in a 100 mile radius to be infected with ass sweats, sudden Highness, and finally explode into small weed plants, which he would consume all at once and grow 100 ft tall (all this occurs in a span of 1 minute). His second ability allowed him to alter the growth of weed plants to form weed dragons, which he would ride on and breathe weed smoke upon his enemies (this smoke had the same effect his cannon does but on a massively large scale of half the planet). Josh was only known as, Uncel Dolan. Ethan's was probably the most terrifying, he had a flag with the Nazi Symbol labeled onto it, with one word he would be able to transform into the clothes of Hitler and bring forth an army of Nazi'. The army would then combine with Ethan to form, Mega Hitler, a large creature that resembled Hitler, it spanned at around 200 ft tall. His left arm had the power to bring forth memorable people from History and transform them into mechanical beasts of doom. His right arm had the ability to bring forth notable disasters from History, he could even cause Gas Shower Rains from the sky. Ethan was known as, The Historical Devil of Zimbabwe. As the 3 men held their weapons in their hands, Bryan immediately shifted into attack position. All the nearby technology quickly surrounded Bryan Nguyen, slowly combining into one entity. The sky dimmed, clouds were shrouding the once lush and beautiful scenery, a storm was brewing; as if it happened in a second, lightning stroke Bryan and his technology mush. The power of the lightning caused Bryan to fuse with the entity, his body was covered in what looked like armor; but this was no ordinary armor, no it was decked out with technological badassery, yes Bryan has now become Iron Man. This was not like the original Iron Man, no this version was very Bryan; he had 2 different forms: Form 1 made his body very bulky, so bulky that he was able to completely kick SuperMan's punk ass with a bitch slap (fuck you SuperMan you lizard licker). However this form also had other advantages, like how we could absorb radiation from the sun and condense it to a point where anything it touches will immediately be burnt to a crisp and given cancer. This was Bryan's, QuarterBack Armor. Now his second form (Jesus fucking Crone) was terrifying, he would give a giant roar that shook the very galaxy and then absorb the energy from the materials around him, be it humans, plants, animals, frankly Bryan didn't give an ass, he just kicks them. After he absorbed the tasty life out of those organisms, he would quickly morph into a gigantic creature of mass proportions, a 300 ft cyborg, dragon-lizard, firebreathing, Godzilla fucking creature that knew martial arts. This was the true form of Bryan Nguyen, BryanZilla. If you thought Bryan had some skittles, wait until you find out what Phat can do. At first, all he did was stand there, but after Bryan started readying up his power, he had no choice but to take action. He looked at the 3 men, who were casually waiting, and rolled up his sleeves, revealing the chains that connected with his fingers; this was part of his ability, the chains were made from the legendary ore, Dylaniade and were impossible to break from an earthly material. A strange and dark aura then started to emit from Phat Nguyen, surrounding the entire battlefield with it's dank feeling; his eyes started to turn a deep scarlet, his muscles bulged (not the only thing bulging if ya know what I mean *wink wink*), his chains then started to combine with the aura to become one material, and now the aura was starting to become compressed and only outlined his own body as if it were like an armor. This was Phat's lust aura, he would absorb the amount of lust around the globe and focus it onto himself, whether this be the kinky kind of lust (which is like 90%) or blood lust). Phat had so much lust inside of himself, that he could possibly do the Dylan Bone, twice in the same night. He then took out a bag of doritos and covered himself with them, then threw sour scream too, and finally the chocolate cake; slowly he absorbed all of this into himself creating the most powerful armor in the galaxy and beyond, the Armor of The D-Bone. His body shinned like the heavens, his skin was as smooth as Dylan (fucking) Crone's ass cheeks, and his chains could now make you his bitch in less than a Dylan (fucking) Crone second. He only smiled as he saw the look of the 3 men, as he started to get ready to attack..
Notable Discoveries of Dylan (fucking) Crone
Ever wanted to know where the flippity flop, twerking came from? Will you see it was our savior, Dylan (fucking) Crone; you see back when he was at Afghanistanianianain, he attempted to find a way to show off his glorious ass cheeks. The result was a technique of pure beauty, twerking. It was so beautiful that the fellow terrorists came out of hiding and joined him, this was forever known as "Allah's Gift." Many years had passed since the accident, and twerking kept growing in popularity over the years. This was "butt" one discovery that Dylan (fucking) Crone was responsible for.
For all you sexually active people, here's a discovery that will help improve your life style. It was a technique so pleasing, that the female partner would have an orgasm that rocked the very Earth itself, the ultimate orgasm. However, only a select few know this technique; only 3 in the universe. This technique, was only known as, The Dylan Bone; it contained the power to even make males become impregnated. I will now go into detail for this ( CAUTION: THIS IS NOT FOR LITTLE BOIS ).
Step: 1. You must take out a bag of Doritos, sour scream, pickles, and a chocolate cake. (Don't question Dylan (fucking) Crone, you imbecile)
Step: 2. Shove a handful of Doritos into their asshole, your partner may feel uncomfortable but it is worth it. You must then take a pickle and make them deep throat that sucker, this will make the Doritos pain slowly go away.
Step 3: Get your wanger ready, for now you will cover it completely with sour cream! Now jam the sour cream wanger into the partner's Dorito filled ass cheek!
Step 4: DON'T LOSE YOUR WAY!! KEEP PUSHING THROUGH, SHOW THE DORITOS THAT YOU MEAN BUISNESS!
Step 5: It's time for the cake, roll around in that chocolate goodness, this will help the orgasm become godly. It will feel like you poured 10 gallons of chocolate lube onto yourselves.
Step 6: Now keep ramming into that pickle deep throating fucker! You will notice that your body will be moving even faster than usual, this is because of the combined powers of sour cream and chocolate cake. At this point you should take the pickle out of your partner's throat and use it to slap their ass.
Step 7: After a couple of slaps, jam the pickle into your own asshole. This will help motivate your body to go even faster, extending the maximum speed that a human can go, the climax is approaching.
Step 8: At this point, the Doritos have become so crushed that they have infused into your dick. Your partner is close to giving in, and you must be too, if not then keep going. However if you're not like Dylan (fucking) Crone, then it is time for the climax. Grab your partner's nipples and twist them with Doritos, then start licking their chocolate covered face (it's ok to bite). Now prepare for the burst that shall rock the world, tell your partner they can finally release all that pent up pleasure, and count down with her. 3....2......1.......ORGASMMMMMMM.
Step 9: Try to make your way to the bathroom, if possible. Your partner will be plumped from the amounts of semen, which is now more than the original amount of sour cream. The best thing to do right now is just stay where you are at, and try to recover from this amazing technique.
Dylan (Fucking) Crone has accomplished many things throughout his truly epic life. He cured world cancer, solved leptic hunger, and saved the lives of many albino skerpas. He truly loved his caterpillar, James Fond, but lost the bet to the dragon known as 48@#4ry.
Dylan also builds houses.